girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
