Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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