i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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