guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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