i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
