If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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