kristin has been a bad kristin
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
