If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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