So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
