Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
