I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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