she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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