Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
