I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
