i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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