My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
