I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
