I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
