So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
