You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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