Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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