pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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