Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
