Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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