I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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