you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
