there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
