Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
