I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
