2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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