plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
