Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
