Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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