How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
