Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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