she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
