i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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