I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
