we're blogging at a bar
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
