There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
