You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
