so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
