I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
