quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
