Are we in a gay sports bar?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
