Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
