I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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