It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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