Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
