So drunk its hurt
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
