she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
